A Broken Believer

Proverbs 2 My son,  if you receive my words      and treasure up my commandments with you, 2  making your ear attentive to wisdom      and inclining your heart to understanding; 3  yes, if you call out for insight      and raise your voice  for understanding, 4  if you seek it like  silver      and search for it as for  hidden treasures, 5  then  you will understand the fear of the  Lord      and find the knowledge of God. 6  For  the  Lord  gives wisdom;      from his mouth come knowledge and understanding; 7  he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;      he is  a shield to those who  walk in integrity, 8  guarding the paths of justice      and  watching over the way of his  saints. 9  Then you will unde...

Proverbs 1:20-33 20  Wisdom cries aloud in the street,      in the markets she raises her voice; 21  at the head of the noisy streets she cries out;      at  the entrance of the city gates she speaks: 22  “How long, O  simple ones, will you love being simple? How long will  scoffers delight in their scoffing      and fools  hate knowledge? 23  If you turn at my reproof, behold, I will  pour out my spirit to you;      I will make my words known to you. 24  Because I have called and  you refused to listen,      have  stretched out my hand and no one has heeded, 25  because you have  ignored all my counsel      and  would have none of my reproof, 26  I also  will laugh at your calamity;      I will mock when  terror strikes you, 27  when t...

Proverbs 1:8-19 8  Hear, my son, your father's instruction,      and forsake not your mother's teaching, 9  for they are  a graceful garland for your head      and  pendants for your neck. 10  My son, if sinners  entice you,      do not consent. 11  If they say, “Come with us,  let us lie in wait for blood;      let us ambush the innocent without reason; 12  like Sheol let us  swallow them alive,      and whole, like  those who go down to the pit; 13  we shall find all precious goods,      we shall fill our houses with plunder; 14  throw in your lot among us;      we will all have one purse”— 15  my son,  do not walk in the way with them;      hold back your foot from their paths, 16  for  their feet run to evil,   ...

Proverbs 1:1-7 The proverbs of Solomon, son of David, king of Israel: 2  To know wisdom and instruction,      to understand words of insight, 3  to receive instruction in wise dealing,      in  righteousness, justice, and equity; 4  to give prudence to  the simple,      knowledge and  discretion to the youth— 5  Let the wise hear and  increase in learning,      and the one who understands obtain guidance, 6  to understand a proverb and a saying,      the words of the wise and their  riddles. 7  The fear of the  Lord  is the beginning of knowledge;      fools despise wisdom and instruction. For my Personal Devotional this new year for as long as this format lasts, I would like to study the book of Proverbs by sections (subheaders). I feel like Proverbs will be the most stra...

I'm struggling. I have been trying to find a job for a while now and it is quite a process. Mostly I feel depressed and don't want to get up and look. At the same time, I also feel very picky and only want to choose a job that will have potential. Again at the same time, I'm trying to decide on a career. It's a lot of stress and I buckle under the weight. I feel like I'm running out of time, that if I don't decide soon, I'll have no more chances and no more potential. I have a lead on a job but the application process is quite long, and at multiple points I'm given the opportunity to fail. I want to believe I can do it but most of it is out of my hands. I'm struggling in my faith at the same time. I feel like I'm running to God to help me with my problems, which isn't wrong in and of itself but I feel like it's turning my focus away from worship and towards seeing God as a tool. The lines between wanting to do things according to ...

Something I forgot to mention in my previous post is that in an effort to cultivate a heart for other believers and to be more God-centered, I am determined to create a prayer list and pray for a fellow believer (or non-believer) each day. Of course, this list will be private. Still trying to make a calendar. But hopefully this encourages me to ask for prayer requests and follow up on them in the future.

Happy new year! My church's new year tradition is to gather on new year's eve and watch a slideshow that some members made of everything that we've done together as a church the past year.  It is then followed by some snacks and devotional time reflecting individually on our spiritual growth and challenges the past year and looking forward to how we would like to grow more this next year. Then we countdown by worshipping until the clock strikes 12am and then we have a huge confetti fight, cleanup, then watch a movie and have a sleepover in the church and have breakfast in the morning.  It's a lot. I was excited about doing this every year when I was younger but during my college years, I wasn't doing well in my faith and didn't want to participate in all the worship and self reflection. I also wasn't coming back home to church a lot so often times I wouldn't really even be in the slideshow.  This time around, I have freshly lost my job, I...